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Articles on Plain Language Drafting
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Eggbound
By Mark Adler
First Published in Clarity 41 (April 1998)
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Once, in my youth, I threw a dinner party. As it was a rare event I didn't want to leave anyone out. And people came a long way so I had to feed them properly. This is how I talked myself into preparing a four-course meal for fourteen people when my experience was not much wider than making myself an omelette. But I had made risotto before, and thought this a safe main course. Yet with so unfamiliar a scale I was unsure of the quantities. Although I stirred in as many eggs as I calculated were necessary I was worried that the mixture might be too loose. So I cracked in another couple. Then, for the avoidance of doubt, one or two more. And just in case, ex abundanti cautela, another. The resulting constipation was so memorable that a quarter of a century later my friends will not visit unless I am barred from the kitchen.
Words are like eggs. If you put too many in, however carefully, the mixture will be indigestible.
Let us look at a typical piece of legal writing and see how it can be made more digestible just by removing surplus words.
If the rent hereby reserved or any part thereof shall be in arrear and unpaid for twenty-one days after becoming due and payable (whether formally demanded or not) or if there shall be any breach of any covenants or agreements on the part of the Lessee herein contained then and in any such case it shall be lawful for the Lessor at any time thereafter to re-enter upon the demised premises or any part thereof in the name of the whole and immediately thereupon this demise shall absolutely cease and determine but without prejudice to any right of action or remedy of the Lessor in respect of any antecedent breach of any covenant or agreement on the part of the Lessee herein contained
Just deleting the red words reduces the sentence from 126 words to 69. By tidying it as I have below we can reduce it to 45 words:
If the rent shall be is unpaid for twenty-one 21 days late (whether even if not formally demanded or not) or if there shall be any breach of the tenant breaks any other covenants on the part of the Lessee it shall be lawful for the Lessor landlord may to re-enter the premises, ending and immediately thereupon this demise shall cease lease, but without prejudice to any remedy of the Lessor landlord in respect of for any antecedent earlier breach of covenant.
Would this deprive the tenant of the right to damages for any earlier breach by the landlord? If not, we could delete the blue words, giving us a version 1/3rd the length of the original. It might be further improved to:
The landlord may end the term by entering the property if:
(A) any rent is 21 days late (even if not formally demanded); or
(B) the tenant breaks any other obligation.
As it is the term, rather than the lease, which ends early, there is no suggestion that the right to damages for earlier breach of covenant is lost.
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